How do I balance my marriage and our families?

I recently got married (July 1st Hooray!!!) and we have a lot family drama that occured shortly after our wedding. My husbands parents are filing for divorce. My Grandmother is currently being hospitalized for a heart condition. My Aunt suffers from dementia and needs round the clock care. My husbands mother is suddenly relying waaayyyyy too much on my husband because she doesn’t have hers anymore so she calls constantly. And those are just the main problems!!!!

Take it from someone who’s been there…..
My first husband and I were raised in similar families……the kind where EVERYTHING revolves around family, you share every moment together and are extremely close. This is a good thing……for the most part. BUT…….when we got married, we just continued to live the same way. Both of us were not allowed to have “space” from them. This is to be expected in Italian AMerican families and you get a major guilt trip if God forbid you want your privacy. But I can tell you this……..the lack of “boundaries” was a MAJOR contributing factor in our divorce. You are right to be concerned.
The fact is, that while you feel all these things require your attention and are extrememly important (which they are), your relationship with your husband is the MOST important…….because without that, none of these problems can be resolved by you together. You need a strong, well nurtured relationship to take care of everyone else’s needs. Set aside time for yourself each week……..and keep that day religiously. In my house (with my new husband) it’s Sunday. Sometimes, we do choose to spend it with extended family for leisure purposes, but it’s OUR choice. We never let anyone infringe on our Sundays, and trust me it works. Dont’ feel guilty about it, don’t let people question it. Just do it. It’s important and perfectly within your rights to have that. You deserve it. There will always, always be things pulling you two apart. And they will if you allow it. Lay down the rules to all those you mentioned……..set times they can call, or see you if you have to. If they get upset, too bad. I was always worried about ruffling everyone else’s feathers…….and because of it, I lost my own feathers, so to speak.

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